Fear and Loathing In Unley Road Coles (originally written 15/12/09)
Today my shopping adventures took me to a previously unvisited supermarket: the Coles on Unley Road. Of course, Coles is everywhere, but nothing made me sadder about my recent move than the thought of not being within walking distance of such satisfying bargains as were provided daily by the Coles at Castle Plaza. I was hoping to find a replacement. The branch on Unley Road seemed like it had good potential. Although not within walking distance of my house, the complex is close enough to avoid being, as some would say, “a friggin pain in the arse”.
To put it simply, I was not disappointed. I was, in fact, quite satisfied. Almost too satisfied. Today, friends, I saw bargains the likes of which have never been seen*. Highlights include 4x500ml of V for EIGHT DOLLARS. This means that a four pack of 500ml cans was 70 cents cheaper than a four pack of the smaller cans. I don’t know how much is in the smaller cans, but I know enough to realise that this is a good deal. Where else do you even get charged less for a greater volume of product? Prostitutes maybe, but I bet that’s it. There were a bunch of other bargains, but none that got me as excited as that V. Hell, I don’t even usually drink V, and if I do I can’t usually get through 500ml of the stuff in one sitting, but I bought it anyway. It was too good a deal.
But the real highlight of the day, the thing that had me totally and completely won over, was at the checkouts. Not only was there a carton of spring water freely available for customer use, but there was a pile of complimentary plastic cups to make consumption of said water easy and trouble free! I must add that there was no easily accesible bin for cup disposal, but it is possible that Coles were trying to encourage patrons to take home and reuse cups, maybe for the benefit of the environment or something. I would have to be ok with that I GUESS.
One minor drawback is that the system of taking and calling out numbers at the deli section did cause me to accidentally yell ‘Bingo!’ when my number was called. However, some would say this is a flaw in my own brain rather than in their system. This is also a problem I have to deal with in most supermarket delis.
All in all, I left Unley Rd Coles thoroughly satisfied and will be partaking in future shopping experiences there, which I hope will be equally as enjoyable. Well done, Unley Road Coles. You get an A. With a smiley face stamp. Maybe even a sticker, one that says “Terrifyingly Good Work!” and has a picture of a ghost**.
** I totally got a sticker that was something like this from my piano teacher once. I remember it had a ghost on it, but I don’t remember the caption. I assume it was something along these lines.