Friday, February 12, 2010

My Thoughts On Spammers

Being a person who spends a lot of time on the internet, I have seen my fair share of spam. Admittedly, I have completely ignored (and then instantly forgot about) most of it, but sometimes the audacity of what they are trying to get away with catches my attention. For example, the type of spam I see the most is probably through MSN Messenger, with fake accounts trying to add me in order to send me misleadingly titled links. At first they sounded a bit like real people, but after awhile, the spammers got more and more creative with what they would have me believe are the names of real people. I could maybe handle the likes of 'Dick Rimmington' (that is actually a name Meattrain came up with), but I draw the line at ''. I mean, Apolonia? Seriously? What is that, a breed of horse? 

According to google, it is actually the name of a few ancient greek towns (I bet that was confusing. Imagine travelling across the country on horseback only to be told you had the wrong Apolonia, and the one you wanted was right back where you came from). I sincerely hope nobody actually names their children this. That being said, I have heard some ridiculous things that people have actually named their children. I would go into more detail, but that is a different story for a different time. Right now, I am talking about spam.

See though, I don't mind a bit of creativity in spam. I just don't think the fake name is the best place to utilise your creative prowess. Spammers are always trying to trick people into clicking on their links. It is how they make any money at all. Normally they stick to the classics:

Hey I just found out about this amazing new diet solution that really works!
Are you 'in the mood' for some cheap imitation viagra today?
Check out my profile on this new dating site for furries! Maybe afterwards we can have some totally creepy sex!

The problem with these is that, well, first of all none of them are really links I would be interested in. But mainly, everybody KNOWS these tricks by now. No-one is really going to fall for them. This is where you need to be a bit more creative. For example, some links I bet people would TOTALLY click on:

Hey, you know how some people look like magicians? Check this character out.
Oh man I am never eating that much beef ever again, not ever. I am serious this time.
Whose blood were you covered in that night, anyway?
So I hear your daughter is giving it away for free these days...

I could go on. But I won't. Well, maybe later. But you get the idea.

-Smackie Onassis

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