Assorted One-Liners of Varying Quality

-A Confession: Whenever I feel like I’m coming up with something funny, it turns out to just be the lyrics to ‘Kung Fu Fighting'.

-My alcohol rule: The worse an alcohol tastes, the stupider it has to make me act/look for me to drink it.

-A slogan that would have got the Kyoto proticol through for sure: Vote “Totes” for Kyotes!

-Oh man I had something really funny and insightful to say, but I opened the file and then forgot about it so I just started writing the lyrics of ‘Kung Fu Fighting’

-Is this acceptable in polite society: saying “clearing one’s tubes” instead of “clearing  one’s throat”?

-My favourite thing to say when on nice walks with friends at night is ‘You know, I’ve seen a lot of horror movies that started like this...’

-An idea for a photoshoot: I am a boxer, right, but the thing I am boxing is INJUSTICE

-The Smackie Onassis Third Law of Social Dynamics: Bitches get Stitches. This is also the first and second law.

-I really like that infidelity is always called ‘Cheating’ because doesn’t that imply that relationships are just a game anyway?

-If I were ever a teacher, and there was this total shit of a kid in my class, I would mark his final exam as follows: 

C

(me after class. Because you got a F)

-I am in favour of human cloning, just because I'd love to see a 7 piece one man band.