Thursday, February 25, 2010

"The Jitters" or Smackie Onassis's Triumphant Return To The World Of Music

So, I've been playing a lot of music recently. And I am realising more and more that I want to be playing in front of people. The only problem is that I am so self-conscious about performing, to the point where I usually try to practice when no-one else is home. Today I was tickling the synthetic ivories when Richard Melons poked his head in and was like, "Hey, you're really good!" and I had to confess that the only reason he had even witnessed my playing was because I was sure he was at work at the time. Oops.

Playing in front of people has always been kind of a thing for me. I managed to get over that for the band, but I was always kind of hidden away in the horn section. The focus wasn't really on me and I think that's why I didn't have a problem with it.

I remember one of my last piano recitals before I stopped getting lessons. I was playing a Debussy piece. When I was practicing I managed to play it through perfectly, and received a lot of positive feedback from the couple of people who I hadn't noticed had snuck in early. But when I actually was aware that I had an audience, it was a different story. I knew I could play it, but the fact that there were people watching me made me totally seize up. The way I managed to deal with this was to make a joke every time I made a mistake. Other people's parents came up to me afterwards and told me how much they'd enjoyed my performance, which I thought was strange considering how awfully I had played. I guess there is something to be said for having a sense of humour.

So now, I am going to try to start performing again. Only this time I won't have a band to draw attention away from myself. Admittedly, I have come along way with confidence since then, and when it's singing as well as piano it's a bit easier for me. And hey, I can always do that thing where I make jokes to make my audience forget how awful I played.

I am going to start by playing for my friends, but consider this my public statement that I am going to start doing musics again.

-Smackie Onassis

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