Adventures Update: Miscellaneous Adventures

I go for walks a lot.

It's a really nice way to pass the time without spending any money, just putting on a pair of headphones and going for a wander. Today I was making my way to the shops when I noticed a young boy being lead down the street by his father. Not such an unusual sight on a Sunday morning. But I swear, I swear that child was wearing a Spiderman yarmulke.

At first I thought that surely I must have been mistaken, that maybe the colours might have deceived me. Maybe the kid was just wearing a small, cloth, Spiderman frisbee on his head, the way kids do. I don't pretend to understand children. However, further research revealed that this is a thing that actually exists.

If you look at the store on that site, there are a bunch more. Batman, Bob the Builder, Cat in the Hat, the list goes on. Although if I were a young Jewish man, I can tell you I'd be investing in the one that looked like half a soccer ball. Now THAT'S what I call religion! And no, I'm not poking fun. I understand that kids will be kids, and kids will want their sacred religious wear decorated with depictions of comic book heroes. But come on, do you really want the face of Scooby Doo grinning at you during your religious ceremonies?

I know I do.

I see a lot of pretty excellent things when I go for walks. I remember doing a double take at my local bus stop when I saw what appeared at first to be just your everyday, run of the mill 'Missing Pet' sign. On closer inspection I noticed that the pet that had so tragically run away from home was a magpie. A magpie that apparently answers to a name and everything.

I really, really like the optimism this poster reveals. Even if this were a tame magpie, reared in their arms from birth, there is quite a large area of parkland quite literally just down the road. Did they honestly expect people to see the picture, walk up to the next flock of the birds that they see and start calling out the name? And that the bird in question will suddenly go, 'Oh shit, that's me. Sorry guys, gotta run'?

The best thing I think I have seen recently around these streets though was something I noticed when I was wandering down a particularly shady street nearby. I glanced up, noticing a pair of shoes thrown over the power lines, as you see a lot.

But then I noticed that they weren't real shoes. They were made of material that someone had tied together to look like shoes and then purposefully thrown up there. Even more mysteriously, there appeared to be a message written on the bottoms of the fake shoes. I caught the words 'IT IS' on the sole of one and, after craning my neck, discovered that the other said 'BETTER'.

I was baffled by this, ready to send out a formal request to bring Jonathan Creek (my favourite of all the TV detectives) out here to check it out.

And then, a few weeks later, I saw another pair of the shoes. This time slung across the branches of a tree. The soles of this pair read 'LOOK UP' and 'MORE'.

I'm not sure what to make of the shoes. Maybe an art project, or the work of a protester whose cause is yet to be revealed. But you can be certain I will be looking out for more of these shoes around the area.

-Smackie Onassis

Lake George

Lake George is located in rural NSW. I drove past it once a year, almost every year of my childhood as my family headed to Perisher Blue for the annual family skiing trip. It is, hands down, my favourite lake. Most people, I am aware, will name a favourite colour, favourite song, favourite weather pattern etc, but will look at you funny if you start talking about your favourite inland body of water. I (most likely) wouldn't even have a preference myself, if it weren't for Lake George.

It's not that it's a pretty lake, or a productive one. I'm sure it is both those things, but that's not why I like it. I like it for the mystery attached to it. See, Lake George is somewhat renowned for it's mysterious and entirely un-lake-like tendency to move around. At some point, the locals who were using the lake to fish noticed that every now and then they would wake up and the whole lake would be several kilometres further away than it was the previous day. After another couple of days, they would wake up and it would be back where it was, pretending nothing had happened.

It was my favourite driving game when we would pass Lake George, to see how close to the road it would be. Some years, it would be right there, lapping against the shore. Others we could barely see it, glistening in the distance. While the most accepted theory is something to do with the drainage of the water, people are still not quite sure what causes the lake to move quite so much, or so often. I have taken the time to do my own research, and have come up with the most logical possible explanation.

There is this old fisherman who lives near Lake George. He is a poor man, and the only boat he could ever afford was a rickety old wooden thing, beloved by the local termites. Still, he loves fishing and takes his old boat out whenever he has the chance. However, many years ago he was out in the middle of the lake, doing his thing, and his boat sprung a leak. Naturally, he panicked. He was too weak to swim, and unless he could block up the leak, he would drown for sure. The only thing he had in his boat that he could possibly use was a box of Shamwows (he got an advance prototype from a friend ok). So, he plugged up the leak and started hurriedly directing his boat towards the shore. What happened was, the Shamwow was so incredibly absorbent (I mean, have you SEEN that infomercial? Those things are amazing) that by the time he got to shore, he had absorbed almost the entire lake. Hoping no-one would notice, he just wrung the thing out a few kilometres down the road and went on his merry way. Not realising the impact of his actions, he continues to go out on that old, rickety boat, plugging up his leaks with a Shamwow, and unintentionally shifting entire bodies of water. 

Mystery solved. Eat my deductions, Jonathan Creek!

-Smackie Onassis