Sunday, February 14, 2010

Lake George

Lake George is located in rural NSW. I drove past it once a year, almost every year of my childhood as my family headed to Perisher Blue for the annual family skiing trip. It is, hands down, my favourite lake. Most people, I am aware, will name a favourite colour, favourite song, favourite weather pattern etc, but will look at you funny if you start talking about your favourite inland body of water. I (most likely) wouldn't even have a preference myself, if it weren't for Lake George.

It's not that it's a pretty lake, or a productive one. I'm sure it is both those things, but that's not why I like it. I like it for the mystery attached to it. See, Lake George is somewhat renowned for it's mysterious and entirely un-lake-like tendency to move around. At some point, the locals who were using the lake to fish noticed that every now and then they would wake up and the whole lake would be several kilometres further away than it was the previous day. After another couple of days, they would wake up and it would be back where it was, pretending nothing had happened.

It was my favourite driving game when we would pass Lake George, to see how close to the road it would be. Some years, it would be right there, lapping against the shore. Others we could barely see it, glistening in the distance. While the most accepted theory is something to do with the drainage of the water, people are still not quite sure what causes the lake to move quite so much, or so often. I have taken the time to do my own research, and have come up with the most logical possible explanation.

There is this old fisherman who lives near Lake George. He is a poor man, and the only boat he could ever afford was a rickety old wooden thing, beloved by the local termites. Still, he loves fishing and takes his old boat out whenever he has the chance. However, many years ago he was out in the middle of the lake, doing his thing, and his boat sprung a leak. Naturally, he panicked. He was too weak to swim, and unless he could block up the leak, he would drown for sure. The only thing he had in his boat that he could possibly use was a box of Shamwows (he got an advance prototype from a friend ok). So, he plugged up the leak and started hurriedly directing his boat towards the shore. What happened was, the Shamwow was so incredibly absorbent (I mean, have you SEEN that infomercial? Those things are amazing) that by the time he got to shore, he had absorbed almost the entire lake. Hoping no-one would notice, he just wrung the thing out a few kilometres down the road and went on his merry way. Not realising the impact of his actions, he continues to go out on that old, rickety boat, plugging up his leaks with a Shamwow, and unintentionally shifting entire bodies of water. 

Mystery solved. Eat my deductions, Jonathan Creek!

-Smackie Onassis

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